10/25
10/25
Chickened out on the message. I was worried that I’d embarrass myself. He knows where he is. He fucking knows he’s on a cam site. He knows nothing about me. He knows where he is.
Wrong.
WRONG.
Stupid. Spent an hour with him in exclusive where he pitched himself. Literally. He told me about his childhood, told me his whole government name.
He talked about how he grew up poor. His dad was abusive. I know a lot about his mom. He grew up right by me. I know the exact apartment he lived in when he was in elementary school.
I want to tell him how perfect he is, how earnest and sweet he is. I want to hold his face in my hands and kiss his forehead.
I want to tell him that I really mean it when i tell him I’m imagining him inside of me. I almost do. I do. He’s huge. He’s real-life, Trader Joe’s hot, and he has glasses that I wish I could fog up.
I know his cat’s names.
I’ve never had anyone pitch themselves to me like that. Never on the internet. Never in real life. It hurt my feelings. Too real.
I know that I wasn’t putting my foot down well enough. I kept trying to be clear and explain that I never take things off the internet. He kept trying to change my mind. I don’t know why I let the conversation go on for so long. I feel selfish. I feel like an asshole.
I actually literally earnestly screamed into my couch when it was over.
Did an exclusive with Devin later in the night. I came so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I cried after. I told him it was because I came too hard.