10/4 - 10/6
11/4
Was online for a half hour before I realized it wasn’t worth it. WoW came out today and it was crickets.
I basically skipped away from my cam room, getting off work early is delightful and I have a ton to do.
11/5
New Guy did a two hour long exclusive tonight. I’m starting to stress out about him. I know he likes me. He actually likes me. I know I like him too. I want him in a way that makes my fingertips hurt.
Pretty sure my fingertips hurt because I want a certain feeling, not New Guy specifically. He just makes me feel that feeling.
11/6
Absolute nightmare day.
Devin asked to meet up. This is hard. This sucks. I want to. I want him. I’ve known him for years and the idea of meeting him sounds comfortable and exciting at the same time. I’d love to sleep with him, he turns me on and makes me cum harder than almost anyone. BUT. He’s married. Has kids.
I don’t know if his wife knows how much time he spends with me, but sometimes it makes me sick. I love him though. I’m not in love with him. But I’m so damn glad he’s in my life.
I’m upset that I am always in the position to have to be the Good Guy. I ALWAYS have to be the fucking good guy.
ALSO
New Guy said he’s going to give me space again. He wrote a huge block of text last night about how he can tell that our connection is stressing me out, and he’d rather back off than give me any negative feelings about what we have. He’s an angel. I cried. I’ve never cried so much over someone on the fucking internet. I’m mad at myself.
The messages from Devin AND new guy came before I woke up today. It took me 8 hours to respond to Devin and 10 hours to respond to New Guy.
Did an exclusive with Devin that felt especially charged tonight. I came so hard I cried again. Twice. Now I’m just sad.